Sometimes something happens that makes me want to run to the computer and just start blogging. I will feel so passionate about it that I have to many thoughts to put into words and I can’t focus enough to put it into a blog. It may sound weird but after so many days of having all these emotional words to put into a blog but I can’t find the right words to type I have to make a conscious decision to let it go because it takes a lot of energy out of me. This almost became one of those blogs that I just put on a shelf and don’t look back. But this one was to important to ignore and hit to close to home.
As millions watched Bruce Jenner reveal to the world his struggles from a young age of dealing with gender identity I was watching right along with them. I wanted to watch for several reasons but most importantly to see if I could relate to him in any way. If his story sounded a little like mine. In a world where people are looked down upon for being gay or transgender it’s comforting to see someone else’s story to know you’re not alone. Just a few minutes into his interview I became emotional, which continued through its entirety. I’ve read a lot of hateful comments in regards to his interview and it was apparent to me that the transgender community is now becoming the “New gay” they are becoming the new whipping post for the fear mongers. I am a huge talk radio junkie and some of the comments from the caller’s into the show were somewhat comical. I guess I call this progress. One says, “Well it’s not fair that women have to worry about a transgender man going into their restroom.” Ahhh really? You don’t think that a transgender man or woman avoids every public restroom at all cost? Hell even I avoid public restrooms because of the stares and comments I get. Or being told, “You’re in the wrong restroom.” Usually I ignore them but sometimes I just can’t bite my tongue and my usual comeback is made up of words that make them feel like a real asshole. Then after I feel bad because I let them get to me over using the wrong restroom. What’s ironic to me is that moron that called the show has probably taken a piss next to someone that’s transgender a 100 times and somehow his life didn’t skip a beat. Shocking I know…. Another caller says, “Well I don’t think it’s fair that people transgender are going to start taking away sports scholarships from people born as a real man or woman.” As some of these calls came in I couldn’t help but think is this seriously their arguments? Is this really what’s plaguing the world today? Transgender people taking away scholarships and using public restrooms? What’s sad is they are reasons that will live in society for many years and be the reason to continue to discriminate against another sector in society. Have we learned nothing from our past? First it’s African Americans, than gays. It’s like we can’t function as a society if we don’t have someone to blame our dysfunction on. The whites had the blacks to blame and the hetro’s had the gays and now it’s the world has the Transgender’s to blame. I just don’t understand how these issues have any bearing on someone else’s life. So because there are black people that’s why my bills didn’t get paid this month… right? And because there are gay people is why you’re a drug addict…right? And because of Trans gender’s is why you continue to stay in bad relationships..right? Christians love and I mean love to throw the book at us, and schools love to tell us who we can and cannot bring to prom or how we need to dress according to gender appropriate. Yet statistically churches and schools is where the most sexual abuse happens. Growing up there were 2 places I felt like I didn’t fit in, church and school. Church because I was being preached that homosexuality was a sin, yet I knew I was. And school because I identified as a man more than a woman and would dress “like a boy” the teasing happened from elementary until about the 9th grade. The only time it was ok to be tomboyish is when we had to pick teams for softball or kickball in gym class, then the boys couldn’t get enough of me. As they picked boy, girl, boy, girl and I was usually the first girl picked. It’s one of the few times at school that the teasing haulted. And for that hour in gym class I felt like a rock star. At the end of 9th grade I had a decision to make because next year would mean high school and that was a whole other beast. So I started to grow my hair out and wear make-up, started dressing less masculine and a little more feminine. My first year of high school it felt good to mix in with the rest, and not be starred at or made fun of. It was as if some of my peers that used to make fun of me had all but forgotten the tomboyish Petit and just saw the new one, they would talk to me like I was one of gang it felt good to fit in so I just kept suppressing the feelings I had had since I was little. Of course there were a few pricks that just wouldn’t let it go but they became easy to blow off because for once in my life they were the minority. So high school comes and goes and I see how easier life is looking and dressing like your gender so I keep up the façade. I even got married at 21. I can remember nights laying in bed next to my husband and just crying, as he lay there totally clueless to the internal pain I felt on a daily basis. 2 years into my marriage I tried leaving him, because I had a few women in my life that I had developed feelings for and they were mutual. It was feeling I had never had before and it felt great. I never acted on them but the feelings were so intense it almost broke me. He begged me to stay and like always I crumbled back into my straight life. Our marriage lasted 2 more years and ironically he ended up leaving me for another woman. You know how most people are devastated when someone cheats? Well I was the opposite I was happy and sad at the same time. Although my sadness was not directed towards his infidelity it was because I had to mourn the loss of the person I had pretended to be for 25 years. I knew this would be the beginning of my rebirth. And boy was it…I sewed some gay oats for 5 years then met Kel, and well the rest is history J
What I would like you to take away from this blog is this. Let’s learn from our past mistakes. If your neighbor is gay so what! What are you going to do? Move? Put yourself in Bruce Jenner’s shoes. What if you were forced to live as a Transgender for 65 years of your life? How cruel and awful would that be? It’s really no different than living in the wrong body for 65 years as he did. I guess more and more the question that keeps being asked is…WHY DO YOU CARE?? Why do you care I identify more as a man than woman…why do you care that I’m attracted to women? How does this directly affect your life? We are all sinners and if your faith based and believe being gay is a sin, then tell me how my sin affects you more than your sins affects me? I would argue that someone else’s sin of infidelity, murder, rape, greed, or gluttony directly affects more lives than me being gay. We’ve hid behind the bible so much that it’s losing its effectiveness. We have turned the Bible into an excuse for hatred as opposed to a reason to show love towards each other. The Bible wasn’t created to spread the word of hate, yet the word of love. Although anymore it feels like all we use it for is to justify hatred towards others that we consider different from us. If we don’t start making some serious changes it’s going to be about as relevant as your 10th grade algebra book. I believe education equals freedom and the more we educate ourselves the less fearful we are to become of something or someone. This issue runs deeper than the stares, discrimination and hateful comments. The suicide rate among the Transgender community is nearing an unfathomable rate of almost 50%. When I did the research for this blog and first read that I thought that had to be wrong, sadly it’s not. Someone would rather die than live who they were born as. They would rather hang in a closet because they identify with the other gender. Put a bullet in their head because all they want is to wake up in the right body, and swallow a bottle of pills because they want to be accepted, not for who we think they should be but who they were meant to be. God makes no mistakes, God makes no mistakes, God makes no mistakes………..
~Until next time, be true to those who allow you to be true to yourself~