Tis the season..right? What is it about this time of year that makes you reflect back on the year about all that was well and all that was not? It’s the time of year we feel closer to loved ones than we do all year, and miss the loved ones we’ve lost even more. I can walk into my parent’s house on Thanksgiving, smell that turkey and there is an instant calmness that comes over me. And it’s always the same routine. Eat, watch football, and eat some more. It’s always the same routine, but it’s the best feeling in the world. On Christmas I find myself reflecting back more on Christmas pasts. I can remember
vividly as a child running into my sister’s room and waking her up telling her Santa had come. She is almost 5 years older so the older she got obviously she would put on quite the act as I wasn’t aware of my parents double life of being Santa. Nonetheless she humored me and off we ran to the living room to see what
Santa had left us. Of course he had always left cookie crumbs and drank most of his milk. Her gifts consisted of easy bake ovens and Barbie dolls and mine were bee bee guns and a BMX bike..Really ma you didn’t know I was gay? Really? J I wish I still believed in Santa life much easier back then. All I knew was ask Santa and you shall receive, little did I know my parents were rubbing two nickels together to make a dollar to afford my requests. When my niece and nephew were little it was my turn to see the incredible joy on their faces opening their gifts and watching them light up when showing me what Santa had brought them. I guess it’s the evolution of life. It can be downright sad at times. I have been lucky where I haven’t had to spend a holiday without a family member. But this year I have a few dear friends that will have to go without a loved one for the first time. I can’t begin to imagine what that is going to
feel like. How Thanksgiving turkey won’t have the same taste, and how Christmas has lost a little bit of its meaning. There is one of my best friend’s who’s little boy is just trying to make it to his first Christmas. He was born prematurely and has been fighting
for his little life since August. I pray to God that he allows them to wake up Christmas morning and are able to lean down and whisper in his ear…Merry Christmas little Daniel, you made it buddy. I don’t know what it is going to be like when I have to know what it’s like to go through a holiday without a loved one. But I would imagine
Thanksgiving and Christmas will feel a little cynical, and that bitterness will
be the only taste I have after eating the turkey dinner. When I hear people say how sad they are because they are celebrating a holiday without a loved and other’s responses
are, “ just hold onto the memories, and think of all the holiday’s you were
able to spend with them” sometimes I want to respond with,” What a crock of shit, it’s ok go ahead and be bitter and angry you have earned the right to” or “Go
ahead and curse and feel sorry for yourself because everyone else who’s been in
your shoes has, whether they want to admit it or not!” It’s ok to not always look at the glass half full and half empty instead. It’s ok to not always to see the positive in every dam day. Because if we don’t allow ourselves to have bad days how the hell are we going to appreciate the good ones. We need to have time to self loathe in the
memories we could have made, so one day we are able to look back and be grateful for the ones that were made.
What I want you to take away from this blog is this….Tis the season first and foremost,
but don’t fool yourself into thinking you are guaranteed 10 more just like
it. Enjoy every minute you have with loved ones because we have no way of knowing if it will be their or perhaps our last holiday. If you are going through this holiday season without a loved for the first or 20th time its ok to be angry, bitter or sad. Just don’t
let it define your holiday because your loved one would not want that. If they had their choice they would be right next to you, but God had bigger plans for them a little sooner then you, that’s all. As cliché as it sounds they are with you in spirit. If you’re having a
hard time getting in the holiday spirit, then make it them. Thanksgiving is the time of year we give thanks and praise for all we have.. not what we don’t. Feeling sorry for yourself because you only have no money for black Friday? Drive downtown and see all the people who have to stand in line just to get a turkey dinner, and after that dinner have no recliner to sit in, no family to laugh with and no home to lay their head. And
if you’re feeling sorry for yourself because you are only able to buy one Christmas gift for your mom, be grateful she is still alive for you to buy one for. I think it’s sad that we have become a nation driven by what deals we get on black Friday and what new iPad
or TV we are able to buy for one another. I have been guilty of this my dam self.
Make a vow this year to focus on every conversation, every laugh, every meal, and every memory you have been allowed once again to make this holiday season. Pay attention to details, and take it all in so when the time comes for you to be the one bitter, angry or sad.. you will be able to look back and push through the bitterness, laugh through the anger, and smile through the tears….
I want to wish everyone a very safe and happy holiday season and a very Merry Christmas!
~Until next time, be true to those who allow you to be true to yourself~