Cancer? Yes please!

“Live each day as if it was your last” God I hate that saying.  Not only is it unrealistic for most of us.. as we are rubbing two nickels together to make a dollar, but I believe most of us wouldn’t even know how to live our last day if we knew it was.  To be honest I think I would live my last day how I lived yesterday, the day before that so on and so on…if we are truly happy then we don’t need all the bells and whistles.  We don’t need to take some exotic trip, or go sky diving.. we don’t need to go on a shopping spree or buy a new car.  God’s intentions were not for us to spend our last days traveling but for our good deeds to be well traveled. 

I have a great, great friend battling stage 4 cancer her name is Shari Baca.  I just know her as Baca.   When I found out she had cancer I literally couldn’t believe it.  Of course in typical Baca fashion she downplayed it, which looking back she did with everyone because she knew we couldn’t handle the truth yet she was the one diagnosed.  Originally the doctor’s thought it could be taken care of with surgery, but come to find out that wasn’t the case.  It had spread to other organs and was in her lymph nodes.   It really didn’t phase her; the only option was there were options.  They tried to tell her there wasn’t much they could do..ahhh ya that didn’t go over so well.  And here we are 2 in a half years later and counting.  She’s had to endure surgeries, chemo,  and more recently alternative treatments that made her breakout like a teenager.  Do you think that stopped her from going on about her life?  Hell no!  Nothing ever does.  She can have chemo and be sick you think she misses her kid’s sports?  Do you think she misses a night out with friends?  You think she sits home and feels sorry for herself?  NO!  And she should! She has every right to be pissed off, not everything can be sugar coated with people telling her, “Everything is going to be ok because you’re going to beat this.”  If I had a nickel for every time I heard that I’d be an F’n millionaire by now.  Let’s call it what it is, my friend has cancer with a chance of beating it.  The beauty of Baca is cancer doesn’t have her!  We haven’t talked about the terminal possibility of her diagnosis until recently.  After her last scan she was told the tumor had actually grown and they wanted to try a new medicine to try and kill it from the inside out.  This is the med that made her breakout.  She tells me, “I finally asked “the question.”  I finally asked them if this doesn’t work how long do I have to live? I actually had to take a break from writing this blog after typing that sentence because I couldn’t control my emotions… Now the people that live in mamby pamby land had the standard answer.. “You’re going to fight cancer and win, or you’re not going to have to worry about that because you’re going to beat cancer.”  COME ON ALREADY!!  You can either get busy livin or get busy dyin..maybe in her case she’s gettin busy living while dying..I would imagine you would get to the point where you just can’t worry about how many days you have left, but rather what you want to do with those last days.  She spends most of her days dedicated to her kids, hanging out with friends and family or at the softball fields.  She even played softball not to long ago and probably shouldn’t have but she didn’t care.  Of course the stubborn ass dove for a ball and ended up in the ER that night because she tore the inside incision from her last surgery.  While lying in the hospital bed she posted a picture with that contagious beautiful smile on her face.  I have to say it had an extra glow to it..i contribute it to her realizing that no matter her choices, if cancer is meant to win in the end she can’t control that.  What she can control is doing things that make her happy no matter the consequences for there really aren’t any consequences that can compare with having cancer.  She has started to date again because she finally feels like she deserves to be loved no less than someone cancer free.  She recently went to Vegas, because why not!  Before she asked that taboo question “how long do I have to live” she was still living her life, but sometimes I think she would downshift not knowing if she was allowed to feel or experience certain things.  We put this stigmatism on people with cancer that somehow they are only allowed to live, eat and breathe the fight of cancer.   That if you somehow forget you have cancer you won’t remember to fight it.   We recently had an annual softball fundraiser tourney for her, and seeing her walk around the complex with that smile on her face is a very humbling experience.  Seeing the way everyone embrace’s her is somethin else.  One person has brought hundreds of people together to celebrate her, and challenge the good in them.  She’s was pretty much a rock star that day J

What I want you to take away from this blog is this…is cancer an evil and ugly thing…yes!  But maybe it isn’t quite the death sentence we make it out to be.  The way I look at it, if you spend your last days not any different than how you spent the ones before than you’re doing something right.  Be happy… not because life is to short but because you have the ability to extend each day by doing so.  Know that cancer does define you, but doesn’t own you.  If they tell you you can’t do something because you have cancer, do what Baca would do and play softball anyways.  I bet those few hours she felt normal and doing something she loved again was well worth the ER visit, in fact I know it was J 

Baca I am so proud to call you one of my best friends.  I want you to know you are stronger than all your friends put together, which is why you having cancer and not us works.   I am so glad you are dating someone…SO GLAD!!  You deserve the moon and if he doesn’t rope it for you, I will be bringing the tire iron out of retirement J  I know your still battling stage 4 but I have to say I haven’t seen you this happy or have the sense of peace about you since your diagnosis.  Maybe that’s because you finally released the Terms and Conditions of living with cancer.  You have cut the strings attached, and had to learn how to live all over again.  You have done it so well I bet you are the envy of some people.  Believe that!  You keep fighting my friend..you can’t control the outcome but you refuse to let the outcome control you.  I love you Baca…and you will never, ever fight this battle alone!

 

~Until next time,  be true to those who allow you to be true to yourself~

The Bible tells me so….

Nothin like a few good Facebook posts to get me fired up.  It amazes me how we as humans can have so much hate in our heart for another human.   It baffles me how people can use the Bible to justify their hatred and yet the Bible is probably the one thing that some people turn to when they look for guidance, love, and solace.  I think it’s even more chicken shit when they use the Bible to condemn someone for living a certain lifestyle.  Whether the condemnation is towards someone who is divorced, commits adultery, is homosexual, marries out of their religion, etc…  I don’t know but it seems to me that you have a better chance of getting into Heaven (whatever version of Heaven you may have) by including people in your life than excluding them.  People that preach the word of God sometimes like to leave out pretty important parts…like God is a loving God and forgiving God.. If he truly is the creator of all mankind, didn’t he create Gays, Blacks, Whites, Hispanics, etc…or did he?  Maybe God went into it just creating life. And us humans created the labels of Gays, Blacks, Whites, Hispanics…maybe we should live by the words,” There is only one race, the human race.”  Can you imagine a world where we are all colorblind?  Where the definition of sexual orientation is just “who you love?”  Where the only box to check under ethnicity is “ME?”  For as long as we have existed on this planet it’s crazy to me how we can still be shocked or almost offended when someone looks, talks, dresses or loves different then us.  How arrogant does one have to be to think everyone should look, talk, dress and love just as they do.  We even have a place in discriminatory society for people with tattoo’s…welcome to the group!!

 I’ve always had a hard time watching movies or shows about the Holocaust or Slavery.  I can’t wrap my head around the fact that we sat back and allowed Hitler to kill more than 6 million Jews.. Just because they were Jewish, or more accurately…because they were not like him.  There are actually nut jobs out there that justify the Holocaust or worse yet flat out deny it ever happened.  Can you imagine being ripped out of your life, your home, and from your family and being put in a concentration camp where you are stripped down, abused, starved, and eventually killed all because your Jewish….some were put thru this atrocity because they “looked Jewish” BECAUSE THEY LOOKED JEWISH!!    It took me years just to watch the movie Schindler’s list.  I think it’s because when I watch movies such as that it fuels my hatred for those responsible for killing 6 million human beings.  And it makes me relate on some level with those responsible for killing 6 million Jewish people due to their hatred for them, and I don’t like that feeling.  Let me be clear about that last statement.. I don’t relate to their hatred towards Jews, I relate to knowing how you can feel hatred towards another human being, as to the hatred I can feel towards the people responsible for killing 6 million Jewish people.  I don’t like feeling hate, but I can’t sit here and lie and say I forgive Hitler because I just don’t.  I can’t say God forgave him and he is in Heaven, because I just don’t want to believe that.  And this is exactly what hatred in your heart for another can create.  And I don’t like that feeling that one bit!  When I sit back, and talk to God about it I start feeling love in my heart again and I’m slowly getting to the point where I can accept the fact that I  may be rubbing elbows with Hitler in Heaven one day and I need to be ok with that.

Watching movies about Slavery equally disgust me.  Say this sentence with me..White people took Black people and made them their slaves because they were black…WHAT THE F***??  No seriously…WHAT THE F***!!  How does this even sound logical…to anyone?  Now yes slavery does come in all shapes and sizes.  And it’s been going on for thousands of years.. Literally it dates back to the Qin Dynasty of China from 221 to 206 BC and even earlier back then that.    But I can’t relate to something that happened in 221 BC, and yes I know slavery still continues to this day in many other countries although we like to keep our heads in the sand and pretend it’s not happening.   The fact that we still have tolerance for organizations such as the KKK or Skinheads is beyond me.   Why did anyone think it was ok to take another human being and make them your servant, or physically and sexually abuse them at their leisure, or kill them if they got out of line or tried to run away.  Do you know the slaves that tried to run away were either killed, severely beat and whipped or they would have their Achilles tendon sliced so they could never run again?!  Remember these are all things one human did to another… although I have a hard time believing they actually saw slaves as humans. 

 

  What I want you to take away from this blog is this… I’m not trying to use Facebook, twitter, or social media as the measuring stick for humanity, but reality is.. Social media is our reality.  People are now allowed to sit behind keyboards and spew hatred.  They post their opinion on someone’s social media post that more often than not, was originally posted to show progress or tolerance for one another.   One of our friends recently posted something about Chick-fil-A reconsidering their stance on homosexuals, and her post read, “Change is happening. Glad to see Chick-fil-A has learned and seems to be moving forward in acceptance of everyone.”  And of course someone has to turn the post into a Bible thumping lesson.. and I quote, “The Bible is truth, it’s not how I feel about something. God loves His creation, but He is a Holy God, and cannot stand sin. The Bible, says that homosexual sex is sin, not my word or thought. Believe me God will have the last word, if u believe it or not!”  Come on people it was a post about tolerance and acceptance of everyone! And now you are trying to scare me into thinking God will have the last word..WELL I HOPE SO!!  And I tell you what he’s gna have some choice words for you!   I believe if the word of God taught us anything it was to love one another.  TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER!  Although the bigot’s tend to leave the loving parts of the Bible out so they can mask their fears and their bigotry.  It seems to me hiding behind the Bible is worse than not living by the words of it.  After all it is man’s interpretation now isn’t it?   Yet they portray themselves as devout followers and spread the word of God, what a crock of shit!  They pick and chose what words to live by, and what words the rest of us are held to.  I want to ask them what is it like to live sin-free?? 

Know this.. Loving more people than hating them was never bad for anyone’s soul…and having their circle of friends diverse, and colorful never hurt anyone.  And for God sake, loving everyone will never get you on the wrong side of the tracks.. And most certainly won’t put you on the wrong side of the Bible.  And isn’t that what it’s really about?    

~Until next time, be true to those who allow you to be true to yourself~

The story of us….

   Kel and I were talking about me blogging and how I will decide to blog out of the blue.  I usually find something that I’m passionate about or pisses me off, and it’s off to blog I go.  Then I realized one of the things I’m most passionate about is Kel.  There will be an injustice in the world and Kel will see my wheels turning and just say,” well babe maybe you just found your new blog.”  I will sit and ponder it, and if I wake up with the same anger and passion about it, it’s time to blog.  I could write 100 half ass blogs but I would rather write 20 that I’m really proud of.  As the year comes to a close this will be the one I’m most passionate and proud of…because it was created by two people with incredible love and passion for each other.  This is the story of us….

 

It was February of 2005, my best friend’s partner was going to beauty school, and it just so happen so was Kel.  We would go there for three dollar pedicure’s and manicure’s and five dollar haircuts.  At the time I was going thru a break up and had sworn off love, dating, being nice, etc.  You know the shit we do when were left bitter from a relationship.  It’s a very self-loathing act if you ask me.  How ridiculous that we literally feel sorry for ourselves because someone else doesn’t love us as much as we love them?  They don’t deserve that just as much as we don’t.  Both parties would be settling…seen that much??  Bet you have…

Anyway…Kel would give me haircuts and I was so heartbroken the first month or so I didn’t notice she was interested in me, I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to see it.  Then my best friend’s girlfriend asked if I had noticed her and that she thinks she’s interested in me.  At that time I really hadn’t, but you better believe the next time I was in there I took notice.  And that’s where the spark was ignited.  Every haircut I got after that I acted like a 10 year old with a school teacher crush… head down, unable to make eye contact, unbreakable smile every second I was around her.  She could have told me her dog died and I would have still been smiling! This went on for a few months, and I still hadn’t built up the courage to ask her out or even for her phone number. We were down to the last week of beauty school; I was out shopping and received a text that said when are you going to ask me out?  The text came from my best friend’s girlfriend’s phone, and so of course I asked.. what?  And the response was this is Kelli, and I thought ya right it is!  It took a few more text exchanges for me to finally realize it really was Kelli texting me. She explained to me that she had to text me from someone else’s phone because her’s wasn’t working.  There was a group of us going out that next night, so she said she would join us after her bowling league.  I really didn’t think she was going to show, but she did… it ended up being one of the best nights of my life.  That weekend I had to leave for a softball tournament.  It was awful, I didn’t want to go. This was a getaway and a softball tournament I had looked forward to and now I had zero desire to go.  I didn’t want to be away from her, to make it worse she still did not have a working phone.  I somehow made it thru the weekend (J) and when I got back that Sunday I couldn’t get to her fast enough.  And this would launch the first 3 months of our relationship.  With Kel’s family and friends not knowing she’s dating, let alone a woman we had to sneak visits with each other.  To make matters worse she lived with her sister at the time so sleepover’s had to be well calculated and not happen very often.  I know some people think I’m full of crap when I say this but. Sometimes she would literally stop by for five minutes if that’s all the time she had to see me that day.  And that was the best five minutes of my day! After 3 months of dating things were getting more and more serious, and Kel was having to deflect more and more questions from her family, mostly her sister of where and who she was hanging out with.  I knew the pressure was taking a toll on her; it physically hurt me to see her going thru this.  She had come over before her bowling league and we had “the talk” I didn’t want to see her in so much pain anymore, so I gave her the easy out question.  I asked her if she could see herself telling her family she was gay, and was dating a woman.  I knew her answer would most likely be no because we had only been dating 3 months, but I knew it was what I had to do so she wouldn’t be in pain and torn anymore.  I knew I had to let her go….i had already had the pep talk with myself before she came over.  Giving myself the rules, which included no accepting her phone calls, no responding to her text messages, nothing…no contact period.   As Kel sat on my kitchen counter crying I found myself with a sense of calmness come over me, I was just looking at her and taking it all in.  Every breath… every minute… every word.  I was taking in how she talked, and how her tears fell down her face.. as sad as it was it was still time with her.  As she cried I wiped her tears away, and could physically feel my heart breaking.  We had decided to stop dating because she wasn’t sure she could ever come out to her family.  As I walked her to the door, I can remember thinking say something you idiot!  Don’t let her walk out of your life like this!  Fight for her!  None of those things happened and she was gone.  As the door closed behind her, I fell to my knees and in anger starting punching the ground.  I was so angry that I had to let the love of my life go because society..her family..couldn’t accept us.  I was mad at God for making me this way, I was mad at myself for not being strong enough to stay in the closet, where it was safe.  It was easy to stay in the closet and pretend I was straight, because I knew I would never truly love a man.  Therefore I would never get my heart broke.   I was mad at every bigot asshole that had called me names, or stared at me because I look gay.  The anger flowed like it had never in my life.  It’s amazing how much energy it takes to have anger towards someone or something.  She had been gone about an hour… as I lay on the couch motionless, the only thing in motion were the tears rolling down my cheeks.  And then my phone went off and it was a text from Kel.  The text read, “I will always love you” my response was that of the same.  We told the other not to settle.  And that was it…I thought for sure that would be the last I would hear from her.  At that point I had no energy to even be angry.  Another hour went by and my phone rang, it was Kel.  I couldn’t answer it fast enough, she was crying and said she can’t do this..she loved me and wanted to come back over.  I waited like a kid on Christmas Eve for her to show up.  I was watching out of the upstairs window for her to get there.  When she pulled into my driveway I ran downstairs, opened the door and she ran, jumped and put her legs around my waist.   I just held her as we cried; I kissed her and told her I would never let her go again.  That was the first and last time Kel and I ever broke up, it was the worst 3 hours of my life.   Another 3 months or so go by and things are great between us, but the time has come to tell her family about me.  Yet another fork in the road for us.  I was very nervous about this, I knew it was going to be hard for Kel to stand up to her parents if they didn’t accept me.  She had a very close knit family.  And her family meant the world to her.  So the call was made…she talked to her mom and told her she was dating a woman, I think her first reaction was shock, and then she said she wanted to meet me.  Her sister and her husband came with us to meet her mom and were the buffers as they knew about me a month prior to Kel telling her mom.  It went as well as can be expected.  Throughout dinner I would find her mom just staring at me like side show at a circus.  Almost in a fog that her daughter was attracted to me..a woman.  Course nothing a few shots can’t take care of lol all in all it didn’t go to bad.  Weeks went by and Kel’s mom tells her she is going to tell her father about me.  Ahhhh…let’s just say that didn’t go so well.   In the meantime my mom met her mom and got along great.  They both love gambling and smoking what more do you need to make a connection?  LOL    Kel’s dad was adamant that he would NEVER accept her being gay.  He even went as far as sending Kel an email telling her I was part of a gay cult that brainwashed her, and if she was willing to go to a “Pray the gay away” retreat and when she came back was still gay then he would entertain the thought of accepting it.  Of course we all know he didn’t think that was going to be a thought he would have to entertain, as certainly she would pray the gay away and come back straight J   This was not an option, Kel stood up to him and wrote a very long, heartfelt email back to him.  Letting him know that she is gay, and in love with a woman and how much she loved him and how hard it was to “come out.”  His response to the email she poured her heart and soul into was just this..  “It’s just not that easy.”  That was all he emailed her back with!!  It still pisses me off to this day.  You know what the irony about his response is?? Is that is really is JUST THAT EASY.  It should be easy to love your daughter no matter who she loves, or what career path she takes, no matter what car she drives or where she calls home.   Love for a child should ALWAYS be unconditional…period!!  To me there is NO gray area when it comes to that statement.  There are parents out there that still love their child even if they have murdered someone, or robbed a store.  And you can’t love your daughter because she loves a woman?! 

Well needless to say it will be 9 years for Kel and I in May of next year and to this day I have never met her father.  He has completely disowned his daughter.  Sadly a few years after meeting her sister and mother they followed as well.  The only one we keep in contact with at this point is Kel’s brother, and oddly Kel’s ex-brother-in-law Cody.  Thank God for Cody or we would never see her niece.  He has been incredibly supportive and even walked her down the aisle when we got married in September.  She went a few years without talking to her brother, but last summer they reconnected and it has been great!  To see the happiness in Kel’s eyes when we get to hang out with him, his wife and their two children is a feeling I don’t take for granted anymore.  She waited many years to have some kind of relationship with a family member..if that doesn’t define strength I don’t know what does.  Kel in more ways than one is not only the love of my life but my hero.  I have seen her shed tears over her family not accepting us and wake up the next morning and keep pushing on.  I have held her many, many times as she cried herself to sleep..yet the next day her love for me never changed.  Holidays would come and go and knowing her family was always in the back of her mind she never let it take away from the memories being made with my family.  Her birthday comes and goes, and you know that happy birthday call or text your take for granted from your parents??  She doesn’t get that.  Although I think every year she still has that little part of her that still believes she might. 

  The story of us is a story I am so proud to tell.  Kel and I have heard from friends that they wish they had a love like ours.  We’ve had people tell us they are jealous of our relationship.  Kel and I have built our relationship on a foundation of common sense things.   Things like respect, loyalty, and selflessness.  We don’t’ say hurtful things to the other and then take them back.  Reality is you can never REALLY take those words back.  We laugh, and enjoy the other’s company.  I have never in 8 years looked over at her and thought don’t you have something to do?  It’s the exact opposite I am waiting at the door for her along with our dog at night when she gets home from work.  My mom will joke with us and say we could live in a mud hut and be perfectly content, and that’s the truth!  We don’t talk to exes or hide our phones; we don’t have passwords or codes to protect ones privacy.  Truth is when you love someone and decide you want to be with that person your privacy (to a certain extent) becomes their privacy.  We should go out of our way to teach the other that were not texting or calling someone we shouldn’t be… instead of putting security codes to keep them out.  If you put the other’s happiness in front of yours it’s the same as putting your’s first…trust me on this.  Kel and I are very simple people, yet there is nothing simple about our love.  You want true love?  Than find a true person.  And no… love is not effortless, it’s all the effort in the world you ever wanted to give to another.   It’s not one in a million, it’s once in a lifetime.   Believe you are worth it and someone will make it worth your while.  Love is perfection, no matter how many flaws.  Anyone can make you happy by doing something special, but only someone special can make you happy without doing anything.  How true those words are J   Kel…You are the love of my life, my path was a little longer than yours to find you but I’m so grateful I made the journey..If I had known you were the one waiting for me at the end of it I would gone twice as fast, saved more of myself for you, and not cried as many tears..But God knew when I would be ready to really appreciate everything about our love and life..He knew exactly how many days my journey was to be…and he also knew he made you for me….you are my life, my love and my best friend..I love you baby

 

~Until next time, be true to those who allow you to be true to yourself~

Tis’ the season!!

Tis the season..right?  What is it about this time of year that makes you reflect back on the year about all that was well and all that was not?  It’s the time of year we feel closer to loved ones than we do all year, and miss the loved ones we’ve lost even more.  I can walk into my parent’s house on Thanksgiving, smell that turkey and there is an instant calmness that comes over me.  And it’s always the same routine. Eat, watch football, and eat some more.  It’s always the same routine, but it’s the best feeling in the world.   On Christmas I find myself reflecting back more on Christmas pasts.  I can remember
vividly as a child running into my sister’s room and waking her up telling her Santa had come.  She is almost 5 years older so the older she got obviously she would put on quite the act as I wasn’t aware of my parents double life of being Santa.  Nonetheless she humored me and off we ran to the living room to see what
Santa had left us.  Of course he had always left cookie crumbs and drank most of his milk.  Her gifts consisted of easy bake ovens and Barbie dolls and mine were bee bee guns and a BMX bike..Really ma you didn’t know I was gay?  Really?  J  I wish I still believed in Santa life much easier back then.  All I knew was ask Santa and you shall receive, little did I know my parents were rubbing two nickels together to make a dollar to afford my requests.  When my niece and nephew were little it was my turn to see the incredible joy on their faces opening their gifts and watching them light up when showing me what Santa had brought them.  I guess it’s the evolution of life.  It can be downright sad at times.  I have been lucky where I haven’t had to spend a holiday without a family member.  But this year I have a few dear friends that will have to go without a loved one for the first time. I can’t begin to imagine what that is going to
feel like.  How Thanksgiving turkey won’t have the same taste, and how Christmas has lost a little bit of its meaning.  There is one of my best friend’s who’s little boy is just trying to make it to his first Christmas.  He was born prematurely and has been fighting
for his little life since August.  I pray to God that he allows them to wake up Christmas morning and are able to lean down and whisper in his ear…Merry Christmas little Daniel, you made it buddy.  I don’t know what it is going to be like when I have to know what it’s like to go through a holiday without a loved one.  But I would imagine
Thanksgiving and Christmas will feel a little cynical, and that bitterness will
be the only taste I have after eating the turkey dinner.  When I hear people say how sad they are because they are celebrating a holiday without a loved and other’s responses
are, “ just hold onto the memories, and think of all the holiday’s you were
able to spend with them”  sometimes I want to respond with,” What a crock of shit, it’s ok go ahead and be bitter and angry you have earned the right to”  or “Go
ahead and curse and feel sorry for yourself because everyone else who’s been in
your shoes has, whether they want to admit it or not!”  It’s ok to not always look at the glass half full and half empty instead.  It’s ok to not always to see the positive in every dam day.  Because if we don’t allow ourselves to have bad days how the hell are we going to appreciate the good ones.  We need to have time to self loathe in the
memories we could have made, so one day we are able to look back and be grateful for the ones that were made.

What I want you to take away from this blog is this….Tis the season first and foremost,
but don’t fool yourself into thinking you are guaranteed 10 more just like
it.  Enjoy every minute you have with loved ones because we have no way of knowing if it will be their or perhaps our last holiday.  If you are going through this holiday season without a loved for the first or 20th time its ok to be angry, bitter or sad.  Just don’t
let it define your holiday because your loved one would not want that.  If they had their choice they would be right next to you, but God had bigger plans for them a little sooner then you, that’s all.  As cliché as it sounds they are with you in spirit.  If you’re having a
hard time getting in the holiday spirit, then make it them.  Thanksgiving is the time of year we give thanks and praise for all we have.. not what we don’t.  Feeling sorry for yourself because you only have no money for black Friday?  Drive downtown and see all the people who have to stand in line just to get a turkey dinner, and after that dinner have no recliner to sit in, no family to laugh with and no home to lay their head.  And
if you’re feeling sorry for yourself because you are only able to buy one Christmas gift for your mom, be grateful she is still alive for you to buy one for.  I think it’s sad that we have become a nation driven by what deals we get on black Friday and what new iPad
or TV we are able to buy for one another.  I have been guilty of this my dam self.
Make a vow this year to focus on every conversation, every laugh, every meal, and every memory you have been allowed once again to make this holiday season.  Pay attention to details, and take it all in so when the time comes for you to be the one bitter, angry or sad..  you will be able to look back and push through the bitterness,  laugh through the anger, and smile through the tears….

I want to wish everyone a very safe and happy holiday season and a very Merry Christmas!

~Until next time, be true to those who allow you to be true to yourself~

Welfare check your compassion

Usually something happens to prompt my blogs, but not this one.  This one has been building for a while now.  I am a person that likes to educate myself with both sides of the issue.  I like to watch the different news stations to get their perspectives, I process it and I then form my OWN opinion from there.  I recently watched a interview with someone who was bashing people on welfare. Calling them lazy and pathetic.  I
see derogatory Facebook post’s about people on welfare, and what always strikes
me right away is there is a very high possibility that that person is friends with someone on Facebook that’s on welfare and has just seen that post.  Imagine how they feel after seeing it?   I hate when people put this blanket over a sector in society, as if EVERYONE on welfare is a lazy, pathetic,  no good human being.  You have NO idea what their situation is or what they have either been through or continue to go through.  I would be foolish if I didn’t agree that yes there are definitely people that abuse the system.  But how are we to decide who and who isn’t abusing it?  How are we to decide the guidelines for who gets welfare and who doesn’t?  The bigger question for me is….WHO is to decide… not HOW are we to decide any of those.  It’s sad to me that we have become a nation that waits for natural disaster’s or terrorist attacks in order
to pull together.  If you think about it it’s probably one of the only times that we don’t judge each other for our race, religion, sexual orientation, or financial status.  It’s one of the only times we don’t care what the other is wearing, driving, or living in.  Now there are obvious stereotypes about everyone is our society, however welfare includes  all of those.   There are “all types” on welfare, and somehow we have found a way to give yet another stereotype to the stereotype.  I have seen people post that,  “ their off to work so they can pay for someone’s welfare check,”  SERIOUSLY?  If that’s the only reason you can come up with for going to work that day then you have bigger issue’s then the person’s welfare check you’re funding.  You should be going to work today to provide
for you and your family, so you have health insurance for you and your family, so you can have a retirement for you and your family, or most importantly so you can feel self worth of being able to provide all of those things for you and your family…something I would suspect someone of welfare may not have much of and you pointing it out on social media sure as hell isn’t helping.

Let’s go over some eye opening facts.  For those of you that think that people on
welfare make thousands a month, and get more for every child they have are dead
wrong.   On average a family of 4 can receive up to $500/month in food stamps and a welfare check up to $900/month.  A single person receives up to $200/month in
food stamps and a welfare check up to $300/month.  Wow now that’s some good money ain’t it?  Who the hell would want to live off $300 a month?  Truth is you can’t!  People forget the main word when describing welfare is “assistance”  and it’s just
that, the government is helping families and individuals by assisting them with another form of income.  And this nonsense about drug testing people before they can receive benefits is just ridiculous.  Just when I thought we couldn’t stereotype people on welfare anymore, by God we found a way.  What a waste of money.  This law is about as stupid as the politicians that pass it.  Hell maybe we should start drug testing the politicians before they can go to work for us, guarantee you there would be more politicians out of work then people out of a welfare check.  Here’s a example for you…They passed a law in Florida to start drug testing welfare recipients.  Guess what?  96% of the individual’s drug tested passed!  2% just walked away never following thru with the application process.  And only 2 percent failed…2 PERCENT!  Did you know the state of Florida lost anywhere from $30-43 thousand dollars a month on these useless drug test’s?  Do you know how many mouths that could of fed?  How many children that could of clothed?   The notion that the poor abuse drugs and alcohol more then the middle class or wealthy is absurd.  And yes I’m sure some part of that 96% found a way to cheat the test, but either way isn’t it still the same outcome in the end?  Just a big waste
of money on a drug test?

Here’s the deal…I’m not sure how many abuse the system, how many use
the money to buy drugs instead of food, or how many buy ice cream instead of
veggies, truth is I don’t give 2 shit’s who does.  We’re not here to worry about the bad apples, were here to keep the good ones going.  Because eventually the bad ones get thrown away.  We come out in droves when there’s a natural disaster and donate millions to complete stranger’s, yet when there is a single mom of two on welfare because she had to get away from her abusive husband we look down upon her.  We put more effort into why she is on welfare than why she was finally strong enough to walk away.  I find it ironic that the ones I see complaining the most about having to help pay for welfare through taxes are those that would never in this lifetime have to worry about receiving it.  They had a great upbringing and never had to face being homeless, or had to worry about how to put food on the table for their family.  Think about how many dollar bills you have handed off to a homeless person…in the back of your mind
you wondered if that dollar went towards food or alcohol.  But it shouldn’t be about the “act” after they get the dollar it should be about the act of “how” they got the
dollar.  Put the stones down people, we all have lived in a glass house at one point in our lives.  Quit judging people who know nothing about, and while I’m at it quit judging the ones you do know…just because you get up Monday thru Friday and work 8-5 you are NO better then someone that gets up at 8 to go get their food stamps or welfare check.  Instead of wasting time and energy on putting them down, be proud that
your tax dollars is helping to pick them up.  I wonder… isn’t it just possible that being on welfare was just as uncontrollable as being wiped out by a tornado?
Nonetheless we should help both equally get back on their feet…

 

~Until next time, be true to those who allow you to be true to yourself~

The “F” word

A few weeks ago I had a Facebook status rant  letting people know if they thought it was ok to use the word fagot, that’s gay, retard, the N-word, or any other derogatory
word towards another person they can kindly delete me.  I have NO ROOM for that crap in my life and will not tolerate it.  I had a friend from high school comment that really got me thinking.  He said that those words shouldn’t have the hateful meaning behind them they used to.  And he hopes we can get to a place in the world where those words don’t
have the same hate behind them.  I respect his optimism and his comment, but as a white male in society I can’t imagine he has had to deal with any of those words, unless he was openly gay (which he is not).  My response to him was… unfortunately we cannot just dismiss the hatred behind those words for they have so much blood on them it’s unconscionable.  The world is a much different place than when I was growing up.  Kids these days are not only being bullied at school, but it doesn’t stop when they get home because we now have cyber bullying.  I had a friend that thought it was funny when his buddies would hack his Facebook and use gay derogatory comments in hopes to embarrass him to his friends on Facebook.  As if it was a “bad thing” to be gay.  They loved using the word Fagot or Fag A LOT.  One of the worst things they put as his Facebook status was and I quote, “I’m gay as AIDS.”  Just typing that pisses me off all over again.  When I confronted my friend about this being done his pathetic response was, “boys will be boys” and for me to basically get over it and stop overreacting.  WTF?  No wait that doesn’t quite get my point across……WHAT THE FUCK!!  These are grown ass men acting like children.  Let me give you some statistics that will hopefully catch your attention.

• 1 out of 4 teens are Bullied.

• 9 out of 10 LGBT students experienced harassment at school and
online.

• As many as 160,000 students stay home on any given day because
they’re afraid of being bullied.

• 1 out of 5 kids admits to being a bully, or doing some
“Bullying.”

• 43% fear harassment in the bathroom at school.

• 282,000 students are physically attacked in secondary schools each
month.

• 80% of the time, an argument with a bully will end up in a
physical fight.

• 1/3 of students surveyed said they heard another student threaten
to kill someone.

• 2 out of 3 say they know how to make a bomb, or know where to get
the information to do it.

• Playground statistics – Every 7 minutes a child is bullied. Adult
intervention -4% Peer intervention – 11%. No intervention -   85%.

Look at the second one…9 out of 10 LGBT(Lesbian,Gay,Bi-sexual,Transgender) students experience harassment at school and online. Research shows that LGBT youths “who experience high levels of rejection from their families during adolescence (when compared with those young people who experienced little or no rejection from parents and caregivers) were more than eight times likely to have attempted suicide, more than six times likely to report high levels of depression.  These statistics are thought to actually be much higher due to victims either hiding their sexuality or parents refusing to acknowledge it.  Seeing these statistics I’m not going to sit back and just let boys be boys.  I would be more of a coward than them.  Teen suicide is increasing due to cyber bullying.  You don’t even have to lay a finger on someone anymore to bully or demean them.  So when I see people calling other people fag/fagot, homo, etc on Facebook I’m not going to just sit back and allow it.  You are using those words to demean someone; you’re using a word that on a daily basis could be used to describe me… to describe Kel…and to describe a lot of my good friends.

Adolescents are bullied for being to fat or to skinny, for being a different ethnicity or religion, for being gay or transgender, for not wearing certain brand name clothes, or for
not being athletic.  When this happens we need the adults around them when it’s happening or in their lives to stand up for them.  Seeing that last statistic where 85% of adults do NOTHING IS UNACCEPTABLE!  And when I see adults being part of the problem it’s even more mind boggling.  I would say most of us have been a victim of bullying on some level.  As a young child in elementary school I wasn’t the most feminine kid and as a result I would get teased a lot.  I had the “A” typical male clothing and haircut, which I really didn’t see a problem with until I went to school.  Maybe it was because my parents never saw a problem with it, which to this day I love them for.  They allowed me to wear the clothes I was comfortable in and would allow me to get my
haircut short.  I think the only thing that got me thru was being good at sports, and as you know you pick team captains and then they would pick boy, girl, boy, girl, so on.. And I was usually the first one picked and those boys wanted to stay on my good side so I would play for them.  But there were those few male bully’s that would tease me.
They followed me thru junior high school and by High school I had enough of it so I started wearing make-up, grew my hair out, and starting wearing more feminine clothes.  It was just easier that way, and looking back I wish I hadn’t caved in, but it was a different time 20 years ago and maybe that’s why I am such a strong advocate against bullying now.  Maybe hearing my friend tell me “boys will be boys” brings me right back to that 4th grade playground wear I was pushed around and made fun of for looking like a boy.  Maybe hearing, “boys will be boys” brings me back to all the stares I get, or the heckles I get from men calling me fag or fagot.  Maybe hearing, “boys will be boys” brings me back to being in the women’s restroom and an employee yelling at me
that I’m in the wrong restroom and when I told her no I’m not and she realized
she was wrong started laughing at me, and was having the other women in the
restroom laughing at me while asking them didn’t you think she was a man?  Or maybe simply hearing “boys will be boys” is just a bullshit way of saying…were really NOT “boys being boys” were bigots that hide behind that cowardly phrase.

I will leave it at that………

~Until next time, be true to those who allow you to be true to
yourself~

Happy, happy new year!!

Happy New year?  I would bet most of us are looking forward to a “New” year.
It will be a new year of hopes and goals not obtained last year.  I am 37 now and every year I think I have it all figured out.  Then I realize the only thing I have figured out is that I really don’t have it all figured out :)

When you get in your thirties one of the best things is with every year you get more secure in who you are, you don’t care much what others think of you, you have less patience for stupid people, and you wish the land would pass a law declaring everyday sweat pants day!  You are more comfortable in your own skin and realize there is more to life than yourself.  You start becoming the person you were raised to be, putting others first and giving your last 50 dollars away instead of buying a new pair of shoes.

This year challenged me to be a better person.  I had a great friend diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.   This was my first run in with cancer to someone I would do anything for.  It tested my faith a little.  You start thinking of all the horrible people in the world and ask God why?  Why not them? She called me after she got the news to tell me they think it’s in stage 4 and she doesn’t have many options.  Which if you knew her that was the wrong thing to say to her.  Just out of spite she was going to beat the crap out of cancer LOL   I hung up the phone, had a good cry, called Kel and told her.. right away Kel said we have to do something.  That’s when the fundraiser was born.  I am so incredibly proud of this fundraiser there are no words to describe it.  It was one of the proudest moments of my life.   I’m not sure there’s anything more inspiring then seeing complete strangers come together and put on an epic event…and trust me it was epic!  I am happy to report that today she is basically cancer free…a dam miracle if you
ask me :) Love you Baca

2012 also started and ended many friendships over one of the closest contested elections in many years.  If you were friends with me on Facebook than you know I was very outspoken for my love and support for Obama.  I would have people ask me, “Petit are you going to just vote for Obama because he supports gay marriage?”  Ahhh,
pretty sure it’s one of the deciding factors!  For those of you that have gone thru the years with Kel and I you know that her family has disowned her for being gay.
A sad reality for us is if anything medically happened to Kel and she was
in the hospital her family without a doubt would NOT allow me to see or be with
her.  That scares the hell out of me every day.  If gay marriage, or hell for that matter even Civil unions (by the way this is just a way to sugar coat gay marriage for the bigots to feel better about it) was legal in every state that scare wouldn’t be in the back of our minds anymore.  Don’t get me wrong we are making huge strides in this area, but were not quite there yet.  Civil unions are going to pass in Colorado next year and I can’t wait to marry the love of my life and God willing grow old with her.   So to answer your question..YES IT IS A BIG DEAL FOR ME THAT OBAMA SUPPORTS GAY MARRIAGE.  On the flip side you had Romney who the very sight of gay people
disgusts him, and he had NO intentions on moving forward with equal rights, so I’m
sorry I just can’t get behind someone…or anyone who isn’t on board with equal
rights for everybody.  Long story short…my man won and I am even more proud today to live in a country with a President that supports gay marriage.  Maybe Romney
can sell one of his 5 homes and buy a clue, it’s 2012 Romney get on board the train or you’re going to get left at the station!

Something else that continued in 2012, and some would say getting worse is the gun control debate in America.  Living in Colorado I have now lived through Columbine and the Aurora Theater shooting.  Living in the home state of these shootings the coverage was impossible to get away from.  I was glued to the TV waiting for updates, and interviews from family members.  Most of these family members waited over 10 hours to hear that their worst fears were confirmed.  I can’t even imagine :( As sad as
the theater shootings were our nation suffered one of the most disgusting acts
since 9/11 in my opinion to the 6 and 7 years old children in Newtown, Connecticut.  It’s time people…it’s time to discuss the gun debate.  Don’t get me wrong I don’t believe we need to take away the 2nd amendment from anyone, but WHY THE HELL IS THERE A NEED FOR SEMI-AUTOMATIC WEAPONS to be possessed by anyone NOT in a military uniform?  I have watched interviews of men saying they need them to hunt…ahhh pretty sure if you need a semi-automatic weapon to shoot a deer than you
probably have no business hunting!  I’m sorry but if 20 elementary children being killed by a semi-automatic gun doesn’t hit the depths of your soul than there’s no hope for you.  I am a firm believer that God can only lead you so far, and then it’s up to you to take free will and run with it.  If we continue to keep our heads in the sand after the Newtown shooting than shame on us.

2012 was another blessed, and interesting year for Kel and I.  We were humbled by cancer, given some financial breathing room, and made some great new friends.  We no longer look forward to the next night out at the club, but the next Sunday paper.  Part of growing as a couple together is growing at the same pace.  Every year that passes somehow you appreciate more and more being on the same page.   If you didn’t evolve as a person in 2012 than seize the moment in 2013.  To do anything less would be cowardly.  Start loving people for who they are and not who you want them to be.  If you have hate for someone because they are of a different race, political affiliation,
different religion, on welfare, collecting unemployment or gay get the hell over it!  God put them together the same way he did you.  Quit thinking he spent extra time on you, because he didn’t.  A new year, a new start is more than a cliché it’s the truth.  This can be the year you lose weight, quit smoking, get out of that pathetic waste of time you call a relationship, get a new job, or just plain start living.  Our maker made it so that we are the ones that are in control of our own destiny, he just decides how long we get a shot at it.

This year will mark the 4th year in a row Kel has spent without her family due to their disgusting ignorance and unwillingness to accept her being gay.  Every year that passes they are missing out on having one of the most amazing individuals I’ve ever
met in their lives.  It’s been just shy of 4 years since she’s even talked to them.
If 2012 marked another year for you that you have gone without speaking to someone for senseless reason’s take a long hard look at it.  Life really is to short and I would guess in most circumstances the offer of reconciliation is still on the table.  We carry the burden already of to many regrets in this life, don’t let one we have control over be one of them.

To my family and friends..I appreciate every single one of you.  I am looking forward to…God willing of course…to another fun filled, exciting, healthy year with all of you.  And to my love, my best friend Kel.  I don’t think you know how you inspire me day
in and day out.  8 years ago you brought purpose to my life, and reason to be a better person.  You love me unconditionally, put up with my dumb jokes, and embrace every new day with me.  2013 will bring new journey’s, memories and challenges for us, and there is nobody else I would rather walk side by side in this life with then you…I love
you babe

 

 

Bigotry…if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck it’s a chicken??

I want to start this blog with personally thanking Chick-Fil-A for inspiring for my next blog.  I swear I could write 20 blogs a week; however I chose to only write so many so people listen.  So of course I love me some Chick-Fil-A, but when I heard the news that
they don’t support gay marriage, or just gays for that point I had a bad taste in my mouth for their food literally. As I dug a little deeper I found that the organizations they donate to breed hatred towards the LGBT community.   The president of Chick-Fil-A said they are, “very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit.”  What the hell is that anymore?  This is 2012…we have bi-racial, single mom,
single dad, gay couple parents raising very productive, healthy children.  If they only support family/marriage in the biblical sense than why were only gays mentioned?  Shouldn’t he be expressing his non-support of people who are divorced? Or single moms?  I love when people have “selective discrimination”; it’s cowardly and ignorant in my eyes.  This shows just how out of touch he is.  He likes to hang his hat on the fact that the higher ups of Chick-Fil-A are still married to their first wives.  Well I got news for you, only half of America  still is.  On some of the round table talk shows members
of the panel have used the argument that this is America and we are free to
have our own opinion, and that’s ok.  I agree however where I believe Chick-Fil-A has crossed the line is they have donated millions to organizations that fight the concept of gay marriage and in turn spew hatred towards the LGBT community.  Trust me I am the first to support free speech, however when it threatens the lives of others count me out.
These organizations breed hatred for gays through their passive aggressive ways.  What if they had made a huge donation to the KKK, or the Westborough church (who constantly protest funerals of military personal) would more people be outspoken or outraged?  The answer is yes…with a double edged sword we legally have to allow certain organizations to be in business and find out just how powerful their actions and words are before we take action against them.

Here are 2 anti-gay organizations that Chick-Fil-A supports.  Exodus
International and Family Council Research…let me give you the link to the
paragraph I’m about to share with you from the FCR (Family Council Research)
website.

http://www.frc.org/brochure/the-top-ten-harms-of-same-sex-marriage

THIS IS AN ACTUAL STATEMENT ON THE FCR WEBSITE:

The fact that Social Security survivor’s benefits were intended
to help stay-at-home mothers who did not have retirement benefits from a former
employer has not kept homosexuals from demanding the benefit.[i] Homosexual
activists are also demanding that children raised by a homosexual couple be
eligible for benefits when one of the partners dies-even if the deceased
partner was not the child’s biological or adoptive parent.

As another example, homosexuals who are employed by the
government want to be able to name their homosexual partners as dependents in
order to get the taxpayers to pay for health insurance for them. Never mind
that most homosexual couples include two wage-earners, each of whom can obtain
their own insurance. Never mind that “dependents” were, when the tax
code was developed, assumed to be children and stay-at-home mothers. And never
mind that homosexuals have higher rates of physical disease, mental illness,
and substance abuse,[ii] leading to more medical claims and higher insurance
premiums. No, all of these logical considerations must give way in the face of
the demand for taxpayer subsidies of homosexual relationships.

This paragraph really speaks for itself and is just as idiotic as the organization is.  So which is it FCR, are you opposed to gay marriage because the bible tells you so?  Or because your taxes are going to go up?  Or because your health insurance
premiums are going to go up?  UNBELIEVABLE!  Gee, I wasn’t aware that homo’s have higher rates of physical disease, which I can only assume they are shouting the word AIDS behind that statement.  Maybe the Family research council should do a little research on AIDS.  I will leave it at that.

Another organization Chick-Fil-A supports is PFI (Pennsylvania Family Institute).  They have lobbied for a statewide ban on the discrimination against people for sexual orientation or gender identity.  Now isn’t that nice…it’s one thing to hide behind the first amendment saying you don’t support homosexuals, but openly supporting the discrimination of us should not be tolerated.  I have been saying for some
time now that there is a movement, one that won’t be stopped when it comes to
equality for gays.  Don’t believe me?  Let me give you a little info on Chick-Fil-a and how their brand health score has dropped an average of 40% across the U.S since their comment.  In the south their score went from 80 to 44, and in the Northeast it went from 76 to 35.  Their national average has gone from 65 to 39.  Just because we live in a
nation that allows free speech, doesn’t mean those you are discriminating
against and their supporter’s won’t exert their right of free will and not eat at your business.  Listening to his comments there was this undertone of arrogance.
Almost daring us to do something about it.  Well we did, and will continue to.  It’s one thing to not support gay marriage, but it’s another to support the discrimination of another human being.  Gone are the days where this will be tolerated anymore.  The civil rights movement has shown us that.  We are just looking for basic civil rights, that some take for granted.

With this blog I wanted to shine the light on the bigger picture and show people the truth behind the words.  I wanted to know if this was just a belief, or a belief that supported
hatred.  In my eyes there’s a big difference.  Finding out that Chick-Fil-A financially supports numerous hateful organizations solidified my stance on boycotting them.  What’s sad is this is a multi-billion dollar company that has the financial means to support organizations that support equality, fight bullying, and want peace for all
mankind.  These are the groups we should be supporting.  Not groups like FCR, PFI,
and Exodus international, where the only agenda is to spew hatred on a group of
people simply because they are in love with someone of the same sex.   I say this to you Mr. Chick-Fil-A…..you are very proud of the fact you are still married to your first wife, which I honestly commend you on.  Now I just want that same opportunity to marry my first wife.  I’m not trying to change the definition of marriage, with the divorce
rate as high as 65%,  that’s been taken care of long before gays started fighting for the right to marry.  The irony is there have been many gays that have worked for you, and help build your empire.  I’m sure they’re not openly gay people, because I don’t believe for one second you haven’t hired someone because of their sexual orientation.  So it’s ok they help pave the road to your mansion, just not go inside of it.   And it’s ok they line your pockets to support your Baptist church, just not marry in it.   I think your about to be shown in the upcoming months arrogance isn’t a good look on you.  We will show you that you cannot discriminate against gays any longer, because just as many gays as there is we have just as many supporter’s.  :)

Civil unions…and justice for all?

Up until last night at 11:22 pm civil unions being passed in the state of Colorado was a real possibility.  This bill died last due to Republicans stalling so there wouldn’t be time to vote on it.  It had to be voted on and passed before midnight, so it could go to the final vote today. Any bill not voted and passed as of tonight at midnight will be dead
until next year.  I was literally checking my phone last night about every 15 minutes to see if there were any updates. I purposely stayed awake because I knew there would be an answer one way or the other by midnight.  When I checked my phone at 11:22 and saw the bill had died due to the Republicans stalling I had this sense of anger come over me that I can’t explain.  Although I wouldn’t understand, I would have been able to accept the fact if it had just been voted down like it has in the past.  But the fact it would of passed and wasn’t given the chance to be voted on because a sector of cowards used tactics to not give it due process is unspeakable.  It has me seriously questioning this country, and on some level this life.  Are we really the land of free?  Because I’m not sure we are… Are we really a country that stands behind liberty and justice for
all?  Because I’m still waiting for mine.  We have become a country that hides behind
the constitution when it’s good for us.  It’s funny nowhere in the constitution do I see same sex marriage being illegal?  We are supposed to be a country
that preaches separation between church and state.  Yet all I ever hear when a politician is against gay marriage is, “well because of my religious beliefs I don’t agree
with gay marriage.”   Wait a minute it’s suppose to be separation between church and state right?  Oh wait that’s right…only when it benefits them.  Ah and lastly one of my favorites…All men are created equal.  Boy is there nothing further from the truth than that statement?  Or maybe it means just what is says.  Although I’m sure what they really meant to say was, “All white men are created equal.”

Our governor has said he will absolutely sign the civil union bill if it makes it to his desk.  And why wouldn’t he?  It would have been like Pres. Johnson not signing the civil rights act bill in 1964.  To give credit where credit is due this bill was passionately created by Pres. Kennedy, and sadly  he was never given the chance to sign it because of his assassination.   I keep hearing the same argument that gay marriage will ruin the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman.  Holy shit are they seriously still using this?  The divorce rate is over 50 percent!  Maybe gays should start a movement to ban straight marriage lol had to throw some humor into it or my head is going to
explode :) Sometimes I hear people say, you know I just don’t understand it and how you can be attracted to the same sex.  Perhaps I could use the argument?  Maybe I don’t understand how you can be attracted to the opposite sex, kinda makes sense don’t it?  I had put a status on my facebook talking about my disgust with North Carolina passing a bill that states marriage is between a man and woman, and I had a friend comment saying that it must also be legal in North Carolina to cheat on your dying wife and have a child with your mistress.  That was probably my first laugh
of the day.  I love the irony of that.  Here’s a state that took the time
and energy and the money of taxpayers to pass a law that states marriage is
between a man and woman (which I’m pretty sure is the law already) yet they
have a politician that is currently on trial for using campaign money to hide
the mistress he not only had a affair but also a child , while his wife was
dying of cancer.   I watched coverage of people celebrating the
bill being passed in North Carolina and all I could think was how much hatred
and toxic energy must of filled that room.  Doesn’t it make more sense for a group of people to come together to give people civil rights, than a group of people coming together to take them away?  I have tried to figure out what this great fear of gay marriage is.  I can’t even get creative and give myself an answer.  I suppose I would of come up with the same answer 60 years ago when I tried to figure out where the fear of blacks came from as well….

Here is what
Senate Bill 172 would of  given couples
in civil unions

•the ability to be involved in their partner’s
medical decisions

•parental rights where a child is involved

•ability to decide what happens if a loved one
dies

•enhances inheritance rights

•makes it easier for couples to list each
other as dependents on health insurance

•gives a partner priority in being designated
a guardian or personal representative

The more I read that list all I can think of is this really is about human rights and not gay
rights.  I want you guys to read that list and tell me what about that will ruin the sanctity of marriage, see now I’m pissed off again.  I read that list and there is one item that is a reality for us and that’s making medical decisions.  As you know Kel’s family has
disowned her for being gay (which it’s been 7 years, pretty sure its not a
phase anymore) and there is no doubt in my mind if something was to happen to
Kel that I would not be allowed to see her.  After typing that I became emotional and it just emphasized the importance of civil unions being legal.  Imagine
your partner laying in a hospital bed on life support or seriously injured and
you wouldn’t be allowed to hold their hand, kiss their forehead, or tell them
you love them.  Imagine someone who hasn’t been a part of their life for 7 years now has the final decision if they get to continue in this life.  Imagine if you
were unable to bring the love of your life to their final resting place.  Imagine if the love of your life was taking their last breath and you couldn’t be there to hold them and let them know it’s ok….you can go.  You couldn’t assure them that God WILL be waiting for them, that’s it’s ok they were gay and that God already knew because that’s exactly how he made you.  No law, no state and nobody should be able to take that away from you.  And if they did they are the ones that will have to answer to God, because you bet your sweet ass he will be waiting for them, and tell you what they got some explainin’ to
do!  :)

What I hope you take from this blog is this…..yes Kel and I are gay, at least that’s what
they tell us.  I like to think Kel and I are just two people who love and respect each other like no other.  We are two people that laugh and cry together.  We never hang up the phone with telling the other I love you.  We hold hands while watching tv and sometimes while sleeping.  We are good people and give a lot of ourselves to other’s.  We do believe in God and that we are both going to Heaven.  We know that being gay doesn’t define us, it labels us.  Kel and I are just two humans, in a loving relationship looking for the same human rights as other’s.  And I guarantee one day we will get them……

~Until next time, be true to those who allow you to be true to yourself~

Imagine if…..

 

With some of the latest stories making headlines these days I often find myself shaking my head. From the Travon Martin killing to the Oklahoma shooting where two white men went thru a predominantly black neighborhood and just started shooting killing 3, and wounding 2. Now they claim it wasn’t racially motivated, but I’m sorry if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck…..it’s a duck. Obviously with Kel and I being an openly
gay couple we face looks, rude comments, and discrimination and whenever I have
a conversation with someone about what we go thru, I hear the same statement
over and over, “I don’t understand why people care!” Whenever I hear about a
hate crime I always think to myself come on people it is 2012!!!! I think it’s
funny how God made all of us yet some of us think God spent a little extra time
on them. How can people have so much hatred towards someone just because the
color of their skin is different. It’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever
heard. I recently watched the movie, The Help. I was so disgusted, and embarrassed
of what white people put African Americans through. What the hell gave us the
right to make them our servants, to use and abuse. I swear I wanted to start a
revolution after I saw that movie lol We are still after all these years still
a nation separated by race, we like to stay in our “racial comfort zone.” We
are still a nation that allows sexism. For God’s sake we still pay women less
than men for the same dam job! I know we have put all kinds of laws on the
books to bring heavy consequences for those who discriminate against for race,
gender, or sexual orientation. What a freakin joke, it’s about as effective as
that warning label on cigarettes. If you think for one second that racism, and
sexism isn’t just as present today as it was 50 years ago you’re kidding
yourself. Only difference is they are smarter on how to cover it up, because
now they have to. Can you imagine living in a world where we all looked at each
other as just another human being? Not as someone black, Mexican, gay, Asian? I
will often think about that…take a brief pause… then try to picture a world
with literally no judgment on one another…it’s at that moment I can physically feel
my heart at peace. I think about how beautiful this world could be, and how we
continue to sabotage it with discrimination. I was talking with a good friend
about this the other day, and I stated that really white men have never been on
the receiving end of discrimination.  I would invite any of you to enlighten me if I am wrong about that.  They are the one sector of society that has
been immune to it. Over Easter weekend the Master’s golf tournament was held at Augusta.  Did you know they still do not allow women to be a member there? It’s tradition for Augusta to give a honorary membership to the CEO of the companies that sponsor their golf tournament. One of those sponsors is usually IBM, guess what? This year the CEO just happens to be a woman. Even though she was the CEO of one of the companies sponsoring their tournament they still refused to give her the honorary membership.  Just shows you money can’t buy happiness, but it can sure as hell buy a lot of other things!  My question is why is the Master’s still held at Augusta?  You better believe if this was a golf course that was ran by a bunch of middle classer’s or African Americans it would have been banned years ago, or until they were willing to change their policy on women.  Here’s a classic example of the United States picking and choosing when to insert the law of the land.   I couldn’t believe that in the year 2012 we
still have places like Augusta that are allowed to openly discriminate against
women.  And ya I get it, they are privately funded so they can do whatever they want; you know what I say to that..BULLSHIT!  So if the KKK was privately
funded we should be ok with it, HELL NO!   I went thru a list of every country and the
first year they allowed women to vote and I couldn’t believe there were some
countries as recent as 2005 where it was the first year they allowed women to vote.   Finally in 1920 the United States opened their voting booth to women.   In 1870 the 15th Amendment was passed allowing blacks to vote, however it wasn’t until the 1960’s that all states abided by that law.  What is it?  What can make people so crazed that
they can hate a person just because the color of their skin?   I believe a lot of it starts at home and how you’re raised.  I mean come on when you’re young
they don’t teach you the “N” word in elementary school.  It’s almost like alcoholism or abuse; you have to break the cycle.  One of my favorite quotes is…”there is only one race, and that’s the human race.”  As a nation we have progressed in so many
areas.  Yet we still can’t find it in us to all come together.  No race is
excluded from hatred or discrimination.  We have made so many stereotypes towards certain races that I wonder if it’s hard for some not to fall victim to them.
If growing up you were not given much of a chance to be successful how
hard do you think you would fight to prove them wrong?  Honestly I don’t know that I would try that hard.  We all have those friends that we just don’t expect very much from don’t we? And for the most part those friends are perfectly fine with that.  Why?
Because let’s be honest it’s a hell of a lot easier to be the person  people think you are, than who you think you could be.  Your never really letting anyone down are you?  If you’re a woman your viewed as the home maker, the one that gets up with the kids in
the middle of the night, the one that cooks and cleans.  If your black your viewed as someone who probably doesn’t belong at the top, I got two words for you, Barack Obama!  What I want you to take from this blog is this…….Stereotyping a human being is one of the most destructive things we cando.  We are setting them up to be the
rule instead of the exception.  I hope we as parents will teach our children there should be no restrictions when it comes to accepting everyone.   If you see someone being a victim of discrimination I hope you step in and don’t stand for it, because a bully is only affective when they have an audience.  Take that away and they are nothing.   Don’t
be afraid of our differences, embrace it.  And embrace everyone that comes
across your path that day.  I guarantee you will end up surprising someone that day that might have already had you stereotyped.  I will always have hope that the world can change, and it starts with one act of kindness, I promise you it really does.

 

~Until next time, be true to those who allow you to be true to yourself~