Kel and I were talking about me blogging and how I will decide to blog out of the blue. I usually find something that I’m passionate about or pisses me off, and it’s off to blog I go. Then I realized one of the things I’m most passionate about is Kel. There will be an injustice in the world and Kel will see my wheels turning and just say,” well babe maybe you just found your new blog.” I will sit and ponder it, and if I wake up with the same anger and passion about it, it’s time to blog. I could write 100 half ass blogs but I would rather write 20 that I’m really proud of. As the year comes to a close this will be the one I’m most passionate and proud of…because it was created by two people with incredible love and passion for each other. This is the story of us….
It was February of 2005, my best friend’s partner was going to beauty school, and it just so happen so was Kel. We would go there for three dollar pedicure’s and manicure’s and five dollar haircuts. At the time I was going thru a break up and had sworn off love, dating, being nice, etc. You know the shit we do when were left bitter from a relationship. It’s a very self-loathing act if you ask me. How ridiculous that we literally feel sorry for ourselves because someone else doesn’t love us as much as we love them? They don’t deserve that just as much as we don’t. Both parties would be settling…seen that much?? Bet you have…
Anyway…Kel would give me haircuts and I was so heartbroken the first month or so I didn’t notice she was interested in me, I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to see it. Then my best friend’s girlfriend asked if I had noticed her and that she thinks she’s interested in me. At that time I really hadn’t, but you better believe the next time I was in there I took notice. And that’s where the spark was ignited. Every haircut I got after that I acted like a 10 year old with a school teacher crush… head down, unable to make eye contact, unbreakable smile every second I was around her. She could have told me her dog died and I would have still been smiling! This went on for a few months, and I still hadn’t built up the courage to ask her out or even for her phone number. We were down to the last week of beauty school; I was out shopping and received a text that said when are you going to ask me out? The text came from my best friend’s girlfriend’s phone, and so of course I asked.. what? And the response was this is Kelli, and I thought ya right it is! It took a few more text exchanges for me to finally realize it really was Kelli texting me. She explained to me that she had to text me from someone else’s phone because her’s wasn’t working. There was a group of us going out that next night, so she said she would join us after her bowling league. I really didn’t think she was going to show, but she did… it ended up being one of the best nights of my life. That weekend I had to leave for a softball tournament. It was awful, I didn’t want to go. This was a getaway and a softball tournament I had looked forward to and now I had zero desire to go. I didn’t want to be away from her, to make it worse she still did not have a working phone. I somehow made it thru the weekend (J) and when I got back that Sunday I couldn’t get to her fast enough. And this would launch the first 3 months of our relationship. With Kel’s family and friends not knowing she’s dating, let alone a woman we had to sneak visits with each other. To make matters worse she lived with her sister at the time so sleepover’s had to be well calculated and not happen very often. I know some people think I’m full of crap when I say this but. Sometimes she would literally stop by for five minutes if that’s all the time she had to see me that day. And that was the best five minutes of my day! After 3 months of dating things were getting more and more serious, and Kel was having to deflect more and more questions from her family, mostly her sister of where and who she was hanging out with. I knew the pressure was taking a toll on her; it physically hurt me to see her going thru this. She had come over before her bowling league and we had “the talk” I didn’t want to see her in so much pain anymore, so I gave her the easy out question. I asked her if she could see herself telling her family she was gay, and was dating a woman. I knew her answer would most likely be no because we had only been dating 3 months, but I knew it was what I had to do so she wouldn’t be in pain and torn anymore. I knew I had to let her go….i had already had the pep talk with myself before she came over. Giving myself the rules, which included no accepting her phone calls, no responding to her text messages, nothing…no contact period. As Kel sat on my kitchen counter crying I found myself with a sense of calmness come over me, I was just looking at her and taking it all in. Every breath… every minute… every word. I was taking in how she talked, and how her tears fell down her face.. as sad as it was it was still time with her. As she cried I wiped her tears away, and could physically feel my heart breaking. We had decided to stop dating because she wasn’t sure she could ever come out to her family. As I walked her to the door, I can remember thinking say something you idiot! Don’t let her walk out of your life like this! Fight for her! None of those things happened and she was gone. As the door closed behind her, I fell to my knees and in anger starting punching the ground. I was so angry that I had to let the love of my life go because society..her family..couldn’t accept us. I was mad at God for making me this way, I was mad at myself for not being strong enough to stay in the closet, where it was safe. It was easy to stay in the closet and pretend I was straight, because I knew I would never truly love a man. Therefore I would never get my heart broke. I was mad at every bigot asshole that had called me names, or stared at me because I look gay. The anger flowed like it had never in my life. It’s amazing how much energy it takes to have anger towards someone or something. She had been gone about an hour… as I lay on the couch motionless, the only thing in motion were the tears rolling down my cheeks. And then my phone went off and it was a text from Kel. The text read, “I will always love you” my response was that of the same. We told the other not to settle. And that was it…I thought for sure that would be the last I would hear from her. At that point I had no energy to even be angry. Another hour went by and my phone rang, it was Kel. I couldn’t answer it fast enough, she was crying and said she can’t do this..she loved me and wanted to come back over. I waited like a kid on Christmas Eve for her to show up. I was watching out of the upstairs window for her to get there. When she pulled into my driveway I ran downstairs, opened the door and she ran, jumped and put her legs around my waist. I just held her as we cried; I kissed her and told her I would never let her go again. That was the first and last time Kel and I ever broke up, it was the worst 3 hours of my life. Another 3 months or so go by and things are great between us, but the time has come to tell her family about me. Yet another fork in the road for us. I was very nervous about this, I knew it was going to be hard for Kel to stand up to her parents if they didn’t accept me. She had a very close knit family. And her family meant the world to her. So the call was made…she talked to her mom and told her she was dating a woman, I think her first reaction was shock, and then she said she wanted to meet me. Her sister and her husband came with us to meet her mom and were the buffers as they knew about me a month prior to Kel telling her mom. It went as well as can be expected. Throughout dinner I would find her mom just staring at me like side show at a circus. Almost in a fog that her daughter was attracted to me..a woman. Course nothing a few shots can’t take care of lol all in all it didn’t go to bad. Weeks went by and Kel’s mom tells her she is going to tell her father about me. Ahhhh…let’s just say that didn’t go so well. In the meantime my mom met her mom and got along great. They both love gambling and smoking what more do you need to make a connection? LOL Kel’s dad was adamant that he would NEVER accept her being gay. He even went as far as sending Kel an email telling her I was part of a gay cult that brainwashed her, and if she was willing to go to a “Pray the gay away” retreat and when she came back was still gay then he would entertain the thought of accepting it. Of course we all know he didn’t think that was going to be a thought he would have to entertain, as certainly she would pray the gay away and come back straight J This was not an option, Kel stood up to him and wrote a very long, heartfelt email back to him. Letting him know that she is gay, and in love with a woman and how much she loved him and how hard it was to “come out.” His response to the email she poured her heart and soul into was just this.. “It’s just not that easy.” That was all he emailed her back with!! It still pisses me off to this day. You know what the irony about his response is?? Is that is really is JUST THAT EASY. It should be easy to love your daughter no matter who she loves, or what career path she takes, no matter what car she drives or where she calls home. Love for a child should ALWAYS be unconditional…period!! To me there is NO gray area when it comes to that statement. There are parents out there that still love their child even if they have murdered someone, or robbed a store. And you can’t love your daughter because she loves a woman?!
Well needless to say it will be 9 years for Kel and I in May of next year and to this day I have never met her father. He has completely disowned his daughter. Sadly a few years after meeting her sister and mother they followed as well. The only one we keep in contact with at this point is Kel’s brother, and oddly Kel’s ex-brother-in-law Cody. Thank God for Cody or we would never see her niece. He has been incredibly supportive and even walked her down the aisle when we got married in September. She went a few years without talking to her brother, but last summer they reconnected and it has been great! To see the happiness in Kel’s eyes when we get to hang out with him, his wife and their two children is a feeling I don’t take for granted anymore. She waited many years to have some kind of relationship with a family member..if that doesn’t define strength I don’t know what does. Kel in more ways than one is not only the love of my life but my hero. I have seen her shed tears over her family not accepting us and wake up the next morning and keep pushing on. I have held her many, many times as she cried herself to sleep..yet the next day her love for me never changed. Holidays would come and go and knowing her family was always in the back of her mind she never let it take away from the memories being made with my family. Her birthday comes and goes, and you know that happy birthday call or text your take for granted from your parents?? She doesn’t get that. Although I think every year she still has that little part of her that still believes she might.
The story of us is a story I am so proud to tell. Kel and I have heard from friends that they wish they had a love like ours. We’ve had people tell us they are jealous of our relationship. Kel and I have built our relationship on a foundation of common sense things. Things like respect, loyalty, and selflessness. We don’t’ say hurtful things to the other and then take them back. Reality is you can never REALLY take those words back. We laugh, and enjoy the other’s company. I have never in 8 years looked over at her and thought don’t you have something to do? It’s the exact opposite I am waiting at the door for her along with our dog at night when she gets home from work. My mom will joke with us and say we could live in a mud hut and be perfectly content, and that’s the truth! We don’t talk to exes or hide our phones; we don’t have passwords or codes to protect ones privacy. Truth is when you love someone and decide you want to be with that person your privacy (to a certain extent) becomes their privacy. We should go out of our way to teach the other that were not texting or calling someone we shouldn’t be… instead of putting security codes to keep them out. If you put the other’s happiness in front of yours it’s the same as putting your’s first…trust me on this. Kel and I are very simple people, yet there is nothing simple about our love. You want true love? Than find a true person. And no… love is not effortless, it’s all the effort in the world you ever wanted to give to another. It’s not one in a million, it’s once in a lifetime. Believe you are worth it and someone will make it worth your while. Love is perfection, no matter how many flaws. Anyone can make you happy by doing something special, but only someone special can make you happy without doing anything. How true those words are J Kel…You are the love of my life, my path was a little longer than yours to find you but I’m so grateful I made the journey..If I had known you were the one waiting for me at the end of it I would gone twice as fast, saved more of myself for you, and not cried as many tears..But God knew when I would be ready to really appreciate everything about our love and life..He knew exactly how many days my journey was to be…and he also knew he made you for me….you are my life, my love and my best friend..I love you baby
~Until next time, be true to those who allow you to be true to yourself~